AmeriCorps Take 2 & 3?

It's funny how I named this blog The Adventures of Melanie after my first blog about AmeriCorps and I'm now in my technical 3rd term of AmeriCorps. It's been almost an entire year since the end of NCCC and I have NOT gotten as much accomplished as I did last year. I did spend 6 months in Covina, 3 months in Virginia, 1 week in Atlanta, moved to Temecula and I'm currently in Talladega, Alabama for a week. It's crazy where life has taken me! I'm still trying to adjust to the grown up life and figuring out what to do with myself... SURPRISE! I think I'm finally on the right track. I have been chasing this dream of "changing the world" but have realized that I can't keep helping others without helping myself and that's really what I want to do right now. Hopefully I can move to the place I want and find the job I want real soon.

Decisions Decisions Decisions

I recently got accepted to graduate school and it's turning out to be a huge dilemma for me as to whether I want to go or not. I keep going back and forth as to whether I want to become an English teacher or go into Non-Profit Management next fall. Both have pros and cons, both cost money and both don't offer the most promising career potential. I've been waiting for a full time job to come along to get me on my feet and allow me to save a little money, but it's just not happening and nothing seems to be out there for me to apply to. All of the jobs I find I'm either barely qualified or I'm just not interested. I suck at the job I have right now which is pretty relevant to being a teacher. However, I work with middle school kids and we all know that preteens are not the easiest demographic to work with.

Because I've been rejected so many times by jobs in the past 5 months and I suck at my current job, my confidence has plummeted. I worked so hard during AmeriCorps to achieve a sense of what I want from life and gained so much confidence and now it seems to be dwindling. I was on such a high at the end of AmeriCorps and just went to low low low. I don't think it can go any lower!

I'm really stretching to figure out what I want and everyone keeps telling me to go with my gut. I don't have anything in my gut right now. So I may just go with what's being offered to me. School and a focus.

Inspiration

 

Every once and a while I come across a great, inspirational book. Eat, Pray, Love is definitely in that category. It has now become one of my favorite books. Although it may come across as a bad thing to connect with the main character Liz, I do. She's on a "pursuit of happiness" which is what I'm on too. It's all about her journey of finding inner peace. It made me realize that you cannot really help or love others until you know how to help and love yourself. There's one quote in particular that emphasizes that idea that once you are able to clear your misery, you no longer have yourself as an obstacle and "Only then are you free to serve and enjoy other people." I think now I'll finally be able to work to get to that point. Thank You Elizabeth Gilbert. :) 

Here are a couple of other quotes I liked: 

"I have searched frantically for contentment for so many years in so many ways, and all these acquisitions and accomplishments- they run you down in the end. Life, if you keep chasing it so hard, will drive you to death."

"The best we can do then, in response to our incomprehensible and dangerous world, is to practice holding equilibrium internally- no matter what insanity is transpiring out there." 

"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort"

"It's still two human beings trying to get along, so it's going to become complicated. And love is always complicated. But still humans must try to love each other, darling. We must get our hearts broken sometimes. This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something." 

And I could keep going and going and going... :)

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!

Lately, I have sort of lost my way. I have been questioning every single decision I've ever made and am really apprehensive about coming to a concrete decision for my future. My Aunt Tammy has a lemon tree at her house and my grandma has been coming home with tons of lemons. So when life gives me lemons, like life lately has been doing for me, I make lemonade! One great thing about living at grandma's is that she has every cooking utensil you can image, which includes a juicer. I know that it's January and it's supposed to be winter, and lemonade isn't really a winter beverage, but does winter even exist in California? Making lemonade was actually pretty fun and relaxing, maybe I'll turn this whole "cooking for fun thing" into a solid hobby and eventually have someone that will taste my delicious creations. 

Lemons!!

Lemonade!!

The Start of my Blog.

I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re Doing Something.

So that’s my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody’s ever made before. Don’t freeze, don’t stop, don’t worry that it isn’t good enough, or it isn’t perfect, whatever it is: art or love or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you’re scared of doing, Do it. Make your mistakes, next year and forever.”

—	Neil Gaiman's wish for 2012